My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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