I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
