Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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