dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
