Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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