Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
