I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
