There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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