I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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