Swine flu. Run for my life!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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