I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
