at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
This toilet bowl is my home.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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