he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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