So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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