I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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