Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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