Betty ford says i'm here all night
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Terrible idea I love it
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
