sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
