I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
