I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
