God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
