Define "chronic" masturbator.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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