Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
This is my life. Enjoy the view
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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