Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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