Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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