I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
