I faked an abortion last night.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Do you have feelings for this penis?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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