The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
