I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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