ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
