He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
