it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
