The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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