Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
