Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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