OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
