Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
