also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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