so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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