im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
