I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
