dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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