I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize