why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
this beer tastes like vomit already
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
