Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
