if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
