Jerry, you need to find god
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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