I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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