The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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