we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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