Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
