How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
