Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
