Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
