I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
