It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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