Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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