I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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