You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
