I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
