your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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