If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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