Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
