I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
