When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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