Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
