Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
