we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
