We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
