Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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