I faked an abortion last night.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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