i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize