She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
